A look through the archives

Claire O’Brien

This week’s look through the archives contains an anonymous column from an upperclassman kind enough to give free sex education to the freshers of 2010. The writer, although anonymous is presumed to be male and by all accounts “top banter.” This casa nova divided his piece according to the gender binary, happily reinforcing double standards when it comes to our sex lives.

“Wrap your pecker before you deck her.” The first piece of advice given to the menfolk raises several questions. While he is referring to condom use, I can’t help but question his choice of euphemisms. What is this boy doing to an innocent woodpecker? Do we just rhyme completely unsexual words together to create a nonsensical innuendo? And how would one go about decking someone? Does it involve a Dubarray school shoe?  Sounds hot.

For the ladies, this writer informs us that college is a place where testosterone “hangs in the air like an ash cloud from that Icelandic volcano.” I don’t know about UL in general but the stench of testosterone from this article is more than enough for me. Another reference is made to condom use, this is great. I’m all about safe, consensual sex. However, this author can’t seem to manage that without telling us that it’s not “slutty” to carry them around. Eh sound…pal.