Capricorn ♑︎ | December 22 – January 19
This week will see you inheriting a fortune from a long lost Nigerian prince. His name is Donal and despite calling you from a Navan number, he’s totally legit. Go forth and live your best life.
Aquarius ♒︎ | January 20 – February 18
It will become clear this week, as your course Secret Santa draw is made, that you probably should have put more effort into learning people’s names. Who is Claire? Too late to ask now. Get a selection box and be done with it.
Pisces ♓︎ | February 19 – March 20
You’ll engage in a curious game of cat and mouse this week as your neighbour in the library shines a small red dot across your desk repeatedly. Enjoy the thrill of the chase.
Aries ♈︎ | March 21 – April 19
There are only three things holding you back from becoming the rock superstar you always knew you could be: talent, creativity, and the ability to play an instrument.
Taurus ♉︎ | April 20 – May 20
After some serious soul searching in the mirror this week, you’ll begin to realise that maybe Movember and No Nut November were more closely connected than you’d previously thought.
Gemini ♊︎ | May 21 – June 20
Seasons greetings insomniac Gemini! Only three more sleeps to Christmas.
Cancer ♋︎ | June 21 – July 22
As the semester draws ever closer to an end, you find yourself asking the same question you’ve been asking since week one. Where did this traffic cone come from and how do I get rid of it without anyone noticing?
Leo ♌︎ | July 23 – August 22
This week you’ll learn the hard way that there really is no right way to ask someone if they’re pregnant. I suggest arnica gel for the wounds.
Virgo ♍︎ | August 23 – September 22
You will realise after 11 weeks of attending classes in the main building that you’ve entirely misunderstood the room naming system. In hindsight, it was a bit strange that they talked about Shakespeare so much in forensic accounting.
Libra ♎︎ | September 23 – October 23
In the face of stress-fuelled conflict with your product design housemate, you’ll learn that sometimes peace and understanding is the best path forward. That and clingfilm wrapped tightly underneath the toilet seat at just the right time.
Scorpio ♏︎ | October 24 – November 21
You will be the subject of a devastating and very retweetable post on UL Confessions this week after some embarrassing tummy troubles in the library. Your classmates will tell you they don’t know who it’s about. They do.
Sagittarius ♐︎ | November 22 – December 21
The most important lesson you’ll learn this week is that sometimes the best start to a blind date is simply arriving earlier than the poor sod who was actually supposed to be there and playing it cool.
Don’t forget to drop back next week to find out what’s written in the stars for the final week of the semester!
