Joe Solves Your Woes: The Second Edition

How do I join the UL men’s rugby team?

It would be very easy for me to give a quick one line answer to this question from an aspiring athlete, so I will: go to ulwolves.ie/clubs/rugby and you should get all the information there. I’m here to help the students of UL with their crippling anxiety over the woes of their life, not to be an administrative advisor for clubs and socs. Frankly, this has been a waste of your time, but more importantly a waste of mine. Do better.

Advice on bleeding gums?

This is more like it, back on track with the reality of being a student in UL. If you’re looking for advice on bleeding gums, you’ve come to the right place. I’m here to tell you everything you need to know. Bleeding Gums, full name Bleeding Gums Murphy, is a recurring character in the beloved and long-running animated comedy series ‘The Simpsons’. The renowned saxophone player was somewhat of a mentor to one Lisa Simpson, the second child and eldest daughter of Homer and Marge Simpson. My advice here would be to learn from the mistakes of Bleeding Gums, and don’t waste away your fortune from your one successful album on Fabergé eggs.

At his lowest, Bleeding Gums would purchase several Fabergé eggs a day, according to the extended lore of the Simpsons universe. Don’t fall down this dark trap, as so many others have. Who among us doesn’t know an ageing musician who’s fallen on hard times from buying such elaborate and useless items? I’ll leave you with some advice from the man himself that he imparted on to young Lisa: “The Blues ain’t about feeling better; it’s about making other people feel worse.”

How do you know if your boyfriend is gay?

For the purpose of this question I’m going to assume this comes from a straight woman, a thousand apologies if I’m wrong, but really if you’re in an MLM relationship and you still don’t know if you’re boyfriend is gay or not you’re probably awful in bed and he deserves better. Anyway, on to my advice for which I’m going to get more personally involved than I normally do. My Instagram is @joecostigan_, presuming I don’t already know him, please DM me with his username. I’ll have a look at the account and if we have more than 20 mutual followers, that man is probably of the fruity variety.

The national framework of homosexuals on this island is small and unfortunately most of us are already familiar with one another’s work, so having loads of mutual followers made up of other gays from around the country is a tell-tale sign.

Joe will be back bi-weekly to answer more of your burning questions, so get them in through the link in our Instagram bio!